Yesterday was the day i tell myself,
I Quit! Why Quit. Why such a hush decision? Why? Because I was still recovering from my a week of Flu virus when i came to school, i still have the flu, nucleus is still flowing, head is still in pain, mind is not thinking straight and i was in a bad mood. And out of a friendly lunch with a friendly comment, make me feel like i should stop doing what I'm doing.
Because of the coming 4 years in this school. i have try to use love as a way to teach my students for their good, to be a better person towards their life in the future. But what i get is more and more arrogance student thinking they are equal or better then the us. I really start thinking. I'm i wasting time? did they really learn any thing from me? or I'm i just cheating myself. The way i look at it. we are no better then anybody. we are still human. we will make wrong decision, we will scold the wrong person at the wrong time. But what make us different is we had gone through the education system, which you guys have not. That give us the right to say. What we need to say, for your good.
I going tell my story of being a student. During my secondary school time. the same as you guys. i dont do well in maths. my maths teacher keep on asking me to his other class lesson. not his office. his other class lesson. Where some of my friends are studying in those classes. once, i did not do well for his work. i didnt do his maths work properly so he ask his students to come to my class to call for me over. what will a student do? as what you guys will do. I go with that guy to see him.. once i step into his class, with out delay. he start shooting question at me that i cant answer but when i want to open my month. before i know it. a palm flew to face.
A slap, in front of my friends. do i deserve it? maybe? cause i didnt do he work well. does he need to use hush force? i personally i dont think so. think of it. i might just give up on maths all because of his action. i dont even dare to tell my mom about this. back in the days teachers are god, parents will listen to whatever they say! If i tell my mom. i might just get another beating from her.
But why the change now a days? why does parents start to question teachers. because they have higher qualification? No. my mon is a JC Grad back in those day.. at that qualification she can be a teacher. Why must it continue to their daughter and son, that they can raise their voice to us. I think media have cause a problem that i dont think they can change back. movies, talk show, newspaper and magazine. all putting this trade in a telescope. Enlarging very bad things that we do. You will always hear stories of students being wrongly punishing, but when did you ever hear stuff like, when students gang up and threaten us. Once i got a student standing in front of my face. really IN MY Face. cranching his fist.. ready to strike me anytime.
WHAT make you think you can raise your voice? WHAT makes you think you are better then us? i dont care if you a CEO son, i dont care if you a emperor daughter. during the time we need to shout. we really need to shout. we dont like to shout. it makes our blood pressure higher. we dont feel good about it. We shout just to make the things go faster or smoother. thats all. guys.. i hope you guys do listen to our side of our story. cause we are human too. That's a day that we can only being stress that much. That's a day. I might just say. I Quit.
But why Quit! I Quit. cause of a friendly comment. cause i dont have a form class! cause i dont need to set exam papers. cause i dont need to mark papers, and best of all i my lesson is just a grade not a exam able subject. Do i expect to teach more, to do more work? But to think of it why i think i really want to quit is, you guys are very much dependent on us to give you answer, which is the spoon feeding way. Energy is taken every time we force and keep on asking students to do their work. Since i didnt actually do much that needs for exams and since you guys just simply didnt learn anything much life changing from me. Should i just cut the loses for both of us and just move on. Should I?
I head home with a heavy heart. i went home still thinking about whether i should or should not. We went to Hougang Mall Ichiban Restaurant to have our dinner. My wife said something that make me feel better. "Dear, you are just a human. You are too emotionally stress." during the dinner, talking about my fav nephew during the Sunday family dinner. Makes me feel better. much more better and on that moment I Decided to
UnQuit myself. Cause i not a quitter. i should spend more time thinking of how to better influence you guys then just walk away. cause walking away is the easiest thing to do. And i definitely not teach you guys the right thing.
i once was being mock by my class of 20 students for miss spelling a word. they without hesitation start saying " Wow, this word also cannot spell u call yourself a teacher?" How would i feel? And There is a time when the entire class don't listen to me, keep talking even when i blow my top, try controlling a group of 20-40 people. And when we start worrying for the student about their work.. you guys thinks that every thing is OK, no sweat. why do we need to worry for u guys. I'm not going to say mushy things like. cause we love you.
20 June marks a day that i normally celebrate alone, to my knowledge i have never celebrate birthday from young, due to our lower family income. But the first time i remember some one celebrate for me, it the one on my 15th year birthday, when i having a high fever that day.. my classmates then came to my house with cake and comics. that was my first remembrance of a birthday.........
